This is my first edition of Things that make me go Hmmm. Do you ever sit back and think about why you do what you do? I know I do. As a matter of fact, I do this quite frequently. By all intents and purposes, this is not me bashing or airing out all my dirty laundry. My purpose is to enlighten people on some of the issues many women like myself face on a regular basis.
So here goes….
Okay, so I answered a call from my ex. I’m blaming it on my best friend Dee, because I had no intention of ever talking to him again. We’ll just call him E for short.
Now E was one of those mysterious guys. A military veteran, intelligent, well spoken older man who smoked hella weed, and held great conversation. He was so passionate and intriguing at the same time. At least that’s what I thought when we first met. I met him when I was 26, and ready for my Boaz *side eye*.
He was your classic emotionally unavailable type. Hot one minute, cold the next. I was so addicted to him. Needless to say, over the past six years, we communicated irregularly. This was usually due to me blocking him for months on end when he irritated me or I didn’t want to be bothered.
Well anywho, I unblocked him when I heard there was a tragedy in his family. I went against my rules (stubbornness is a better word) and decided to check on him…. SMH.
I really was just checking to see if he was dead or alive. Fortunately, he was alive, and began to tell me of all the misfortune he has been experiencing over the past four years when it came to dating. The chick he chose over me…I like saying that to piss him off, ended up sending him on an emotional rollercoaster , and the next chick he pulled the whole hot and cold stunt on fixed him up real good. I mean walk in your house, and all your stuff gone good. I mean walk in and hear nothing but straight up echoes good.
I must admit, I was a little tickled. I was thinking that’s what you get, but then I remembered I’m working on a being a better Christian…..I’m working on it ya’ll, don’t judge me.
Moving on…. I’m tripping about answering the call because I know he AIN’T the one for me. I was humored by the fact that he called continually after our conversation. I mean come on, I was just checking on you. No need to be friends. So I kept hitting that reject button. It felt good to be the one doing the rejecting.
Fast forward a couple of days. I was out on an evening walk with my bestie, and having the best laugh, as I repeated to her what he told me about his misfortune. Then she said something that stopped me in my tracks. She said Trin, just pick up the phone. Be nice. You know he doing bad.
Damn you Dee!! (Dee is my bestie)
I went ahead and picked it up the next time he called, and let him entertain me for a little. Next thing I know, we sitting in my car, hugging and kissing like teenagers. Wayment!!! So not the plan!
After that day, I began to think, maybe he’s different. Maybe life has humbled him. Well, it only took a week to see he was still the same ole E.
I began to think, why did I even meet up with him in the first place. I knew he was not my cup of tea anymore. That’s when it hit me. Earlier that night, I was all in my feelings about an experience that happened earlier this year.
What I realize now, since my head is much clearer, is I was trying to drown out the pain of that situation, and subconsciously welcomed the distraction of E. I knew I didn’t want E. I just didn’t want to feel those feelings associated with the bad experience I had earlier this year.
This made me ask myself a few questions.
How often do people return to their comfort zone in order to escape unpleasant feelings?
Is it easier to deal with the familiar as opposed to facing the unknown?
Can people really forgive and forget?
Can an Ex be a friend?
Just wondering. What are your thoughts?